Pretty IS greater than happy. In all honesty. When it comes down to it. At some point, we all get tangled up in pretty. Some of us come out okay. We just buy some makeup and a tee-shirt from Hollister, start wearing our hair the same way and playing all the same sports and happy. Some of us do not come out okay at all. We slowly and slowly deteriorate. We never find ourselves to be good enough. We never see ourselves as beautiful or worthy. We keep starving, restricting, binging, purging, and hurting. We aren't happy, not until we reach our smallest possible size. Even then we aren't happy. We lie to ourselves about happiness. Happiness is not true. So for us, beauty's outcasts, Ana and Mia and EDNOS's children, Happiness < Prettiness. Skinny is everything. Smiles are fake. Pretty is all that matters. The number goes down and our hopes go up. That's all. The numbers. There's always numbers. The number of calories in a piece of food lets you know if you can eat it. If it's over 100, it's probably not going in my mouth. If I burn less than 100 at the gym I failed. If the number on the scale goes up, I failed. If the number goes down, it isn't enough. There's never enough. There's never small enough, good enough, pretty enough. Even when you want there to be. And that is what happens to those of us who don't make it out of beauty's tangled web. Beauty is a monster.
Sincerely.
Echo.
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